On friendship (a post-pub meditation)

I'm going through a bit of a transitional period at the moment, what with changing cities, changing jobs, and adjusting to the idea of sharing a life with someone, even when they eat the last of the chorizo. What with hen parties, weddings and a general nostalgia that's been creeping over me, and prompting me to search out old acquaintances, I've been struck by friendships, how they change and grow.
I've heard people express the opinion before, and I heard it again in conversation tonight, that when you lose touch with people you once considered a friend, it's usually with good reason, and you should consider them a friend lost. Now I'm appalling when it comes to keeping in touch with people when I have no occasion to prompt me to contact them. A lot of it is sheer apathy on my part, and for that I have no defense. But I don't consider for a moment that, having lost contact with them, that it's an indicator of a friendship not worth continuing.
I think that friendships, like any relationship, find their fulfilment when you consider another as important, not just because of the feeling that they bring or how the other person relates to you. It comes when you recognise that this person is important simply because they are. Even if you were to cease to exist tomorrow, then this person would continue to be important. Once you realise this, a friendship becomes more than the sum of its two parts.
Friendship is not only something to be established, it also needs to be maintained. It more resembles a growing tree than a static sculpture.It takes time and effort to ensure that a relationship succeeds, and it's no wonder that many fade and some fail. And in many cases, that transition is necessary - there is not enough room in our lives to contain all the worthwhile friendships that we have encountered, and continue them at the same pitch of intensity, especially when we move away from each other. We may be guilty of neglecting our relationships, but we musn't draw the line there, and make the mistake of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's not too late to restore that bond. Not always as it was, but in some form. And when you approach it with the perspective that each of these people who you once encountered is important in their own right, then each contact re-established becomes a new joy, an unearthed treasure - a person rediscovered.

I realised something else during my pub chat. Sometimes you come across friendships that are like yew trees. The yew tree is a cunning evergreen, capable of reaching extraordinary ages, with the ability to grow at varying rates, depending on when the right nutrients are available. They can even remain dormant for hundreds of years, and then continue to grow at a steady pace when the conditions become favourable.I remember reading an account of a man who had met a colleague at a weekend convention, and they became instant friends. Twenty years later, they met up for a second time, both married and with families in tow, and it was as though their conversation took off right where they had left it, twenty years before. To be part of such a friendship is a reassuring thing.